Thursday, December 23, 2010

Writer's Block Exercise

[So anyone who likes to write, professionally or otherwise, knows exactly what it's like to have writers block.... You just draw a blank, and feel very uninspired. There are many techniques that writers employ to get the wheels turning. This is something I made up one day when i couldn't think of anything to write. What I do is I basically write a snippet of something i'm thinking about, and i use the last word of that sentence to start a new/unrelated sentence. It's not supposed to be profound or anything like that. It's basically a brainstorm. Then i read the entire thing over a couple of times and it helps me come up with some ideas for other things i'm already working on. I wrote this one up specifically for this blog entry. Hope you like the idea.... let me know what you think]

You are free to do as I 
your troops to march into the fields of 
is only that which we can manage to 
a thought that no one has been able to conceive 
u wake up, is when youre in the deepest state of 
deprivation can eventually lead to 
is worth that which we live 
no good reason than to commit high 
was the verdict for the spy of 
operate in an extremely covert 
of speaking was what distinguished her from all the other 
have a talent for making one believe what he 
and Seas are certainly interesting 
don’t sound quite as well as 
play melodies that sweep you right into the 
present and future comparisons of people's 
in the crowd that stand out as possible 
of the finest art the world has yet to 
the world through the eyes of a 
played by johnny depp

[It's important that once you start the exercise that you don't stop or dwell on any word or sentence. Some extra parameters i set for myself is that I have to complete at least 20 sentences and it cant include things i already wrote down before. But you can set all types of other rules for yourself  like making certain words rhyme, etc.... oh and the Johnny Depp thing is referencing his new animated movie thats i happened to catch a trailer for.... its called Rango]

[Photo by: Rona Gelman]

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Admission Letter

[Ok, if you haven't already noticed, I like to keep the posts slightly different every time. Todays post certainly won't disappoint.... at least in the "different" department; However, its very capable of disappointing on a variety of other categories such as "interesting." This is a Letter I wrote for someone who was applying to some sort of a teaching program in college. Again, as I always like to say, I'm not a writer....I just did this for fun. I hope you enjoy it on some sort of level]

To say that it has been my life long dream to become a teacher would be too much of a cliché. So why have I chosen to become an educator? One of the most fundamental and undeniable features of all beings, is the characteristic of curiosity. We all share this instinctual yearning to accept new information - to understand what we do not yet understand, to explain what we cannot yet explain, and to comprehend what first seems incomprehensible. And curiosity has no bounds nor prejudice. It does not discriminate between the ages, sexes or cultures. While much of what we learn as infants is observational, just as soon as we begin to utter our first words we also begin to ask our first questions. Our strong desire for food is equally met with an appetite for knowledge. As all children begin to grow and develop, their curiosities grow exponentially greater. In order to satiate this thirst for knowledge they need a reference or guide. I am striving to be that reference or guidance. I believe that speculation is a mode for motivation. I have speculated that not all of those who are knowledgeable are able to teach, but one who is passionate about teaching is left to become knowledgeable. So at the risk of sounding cliché, let me say that I have always been passionate about teaching and now all that is left is to gain the knowledge so that I may one day be able to do so. And just as curiosity shows no bounds, my motivation is similarly resilient.

2 philosophies worth putting some thought into

"If  I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?"
The Golden Rule ~  "That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man"
                                                                                                                        - Hillel

Monday, December 20, 2010

I get my kicks out of vices 
that are looked upon strange 
and as they've twist to their tightest 
I'm left broke in exchange
The ultimate fulfillment for an ego-maniac is paradoxically an accomplishment, which he himself can never enjoy - immortality.
i made that up before i fell asleep one night

Me/Not Me (3)

[just a casual conversation between two Jews] 
Me: So theres a fast're gonna fast? 
Not Me: No, i'm not fasting 
Me: Fake Jew, got it.... 
Not Me: Oh sure, you'll just sleep all day and fast for 10 min....g-d wont forget how much you lie 
Me: No need to put the dash between the d and g, you're never gonna meet him anyway 
Not Me: No need to're going to hell either way 
Me: you just recycled my joke....doesn't count 
Not Me: I don't like to beat around the burning bush. I'm just telling you your future GPS coordinates

Wonderlandman, tell me a story

[hey, you’re back….why would you ever come back here? Well, if you’re gonna insist on staying I guess i have to entertain….what kind of host would i be? Ok, here’s one of the things i’m working on right now. It’s a poem that cuts back and forth between narration, monologue and dialogue….and it does all of this sporadically and without warning. Hope you like it, enjoy]
”This is my favorite mind
All the others I’ve left behind”
A trip through his own fantasy
Where everything goes wrong it seems
The more he loses, the better off
Even Alice would’ve scoffed
Missing pockets, missing hand
That’s his twisted wonderland

“Snagged my toe on a rock as I strolled
A seam ran to my heel from my toe
All that’s left of this foot are some thread
Look! there’s plenty of fun up ahead”

Learn to sew, he’s come undone
uncontrolled, his seams have run
They’ve stitched a smile on Anger’s face
wildly emotions laced
He sleeps between rocks and a hard place
Wakes up, and leaves part of his face
It remains on the ground where he’d laid…
“look down at myself, looking up at me
I don’t linger too long; just get up & leave”

A garden filled with rocks appears
The mise-en-scène seems too austere
As he creeps past, oh so nimble
Listen close, as pin hits thimble
The stones begin to turn to sand
and drops fall in, out of clouds’ hands…
…onto the sand, to make a stew
A soup of quicksand pulls him through
The more he struggles, the more he shrinks 
The ground enjoys its flesh-like drink
The rain keeps falling to the ground
Yet he wont call out but a sound
Lightning lights the sky, like flares
He takes his final gulp of air….
[to be continued]

A Quick Parable

{just a slight philosophical tangent….no big deal}
Two old men living on either side of a river spent their entire lives in argument regarding the true color of a giant stone situated in the middle of the river. While one man swore the stone was black the other swore that this same stone was positively white. The truth in each mans eyes is overwhelming - matched only by the disdain each man holds for the others obvious lies. They are both right and simultaneously wrong, but how? The obvious answer is that the stone is white on one side and black on the other. Each mans observation is correct and true. But the ULTIMATE TRUTH is that the stone is both white and black; Meanwhile, the ultimate truth will most likely never be known. Similarly, in the real world, the ultimate truth is seldom known, and arguably, it is never known. 
[There is no convincing a religious man that god does not exist]
[There is no convincing a devout atheist that god exists]

Home sweet home…. back in Brooklyn, Fugheddaboudit

[so much for turning off all electronics during landing….sorry jetblue]

Me/Not Me (2)

[we pick up in the middle of a casual conversation] 
Not Me: you don't hang out with him anymore, do you? 
Me: no, not so much anymore 
Not Me: why not? 
Me: cuz hanging out with him is like noticing that the toilet roll is running on low while taking a shit....and as you attempt to switch it out, the new roll falls into the water. 
Not Me: was that the last roll? 
Me: unfortunately....


[hey, it’s you again…. “wanna read something?” I ask quite quizzically. *silence* You remain silent, and a slight discomfort starts to brew. uhm, ok don’t answer, that’s real normal. Well if you’re not terribly busy maybe you can check out this little bit if poetry I wrote a while back…. enjoy]
You crippled me
Now I sit here piecefully
But I can use these pieces
To solve this puzzle lyrically

And I can wait all day, all year
Or, ‘til these pieces disappear
But pictures say a thousand words
and that is why my mind’s unclear

Everything is outta focus
Take this veil off my eyes
just a distant faded picture
Sits inside immortalized

Now it’s getting dark in here
Just enough to spark some fear
But then the light comes creeping through
Off your eyes when you appear

So now the light of hope seeps in
I see the road and seem to grin
Suddenly you close your eyes
I’m flying back to where I’ve been

I’m drowning now
I sit in peace; I do not shout
Expectantly I’m not surprised
I found my peace and need no light

And now I sit here writing, raging
But not the rage that war is waging
A push that drives. An inspiration.

2 Sushi Firsts:

salmon, cream cheese, jalapeno and RASBERRIES

salmon roe and Quail egg

Me/Not Me

Me: have you seen that guy davidkalb on youtube? 
Not Me: no, who is he? 
Me: He's the guy who does insane trick shots with basketballs, yo-yos, forklifts, unicycles, etc. 
*we watch a couple of videos*
[we see a giant turd fly over the bathroom stall and land in a urinal] 

Me: [pause] oh yea, i forgot about those trick shots 
Not Me: Holy Shit!!!! 
Me: almost 
Not Me: this guy's like a mix of Jackass and the Harlem Globetrotters


[i wrote this for someone several years ago….”Tell me who it was for,” he requested snidely…. ”None of your business,” i replied calmly, as one would reply whilst being calm. “….and frankly that tone won’t get you very far in life,” added me. To everyone else reading this, don’t mind that guy, he’s just an ignoramus. Anyway, i hope you like this….later]
My eyes walk to a place I’ve never seen
No place they’ve walked 
No place I’ve been 
It feels surreal, just like some dream 
One blink , cut scene…. and I keep walking 

I stroll through fields of spinning silk 
As black as night, like white on milk 
Like locks of hair that fall on shoulders 
One blink, cut scene…. and I keep walking 

Suddenly I’m on a ship 
Without a clue of course nor trip 
One night I look down at the sea 
I see the sea looks back at me 
Two big dark eyes; they sparkle deep 
One blink, cut scene…. and I keep walking 

I walk amidst the desert’s dunes 
The sun beats down its potent tune 
A melody of scorching heat…. 
.…tans the skin with a bronze beat 
The skin well tailored from the finest grain 
So soft that words cannot explain 
With but one stroke you’d understand 
One blink, cut scene…. and I keep walking 

My winter’s deep inside a valley 
Where blistering cold begins to rally 
Snowflakes circle in the air 
They dance so graceful, everywhere 
The breeze - it leads; the flakes - they follow 
The wind whispers through the hollow 
A voice so soothing, it calms the nerves 
Don’t waste time speaking, I but observe 
And I could spend all night just listening 
One blink, cut scene…. and I keep walking 

My eyes keep walking to places new 
But as for now 
I bid adieu 
These aren’t the only scenes with you 
One blink, cut scene…. 

The Super Dooper Pocket Pooper!

The gift that keeps on giving?

Faux News

 When Hell Freezes Over - BBC News - Switzerland            
             Bern, Switzerland - Remarkable news in the Science & Technology world on May 16, 2010. Scientists from Switzerland are convinced that Hell in fact may be freezing over. Lead scientists in Bern have theorized that the dreaded Lake-of-Fire has decreased in temperature by 0.07 of one degree. “At time of rigor mortis it is believed the soul escapes the body.” says Dr.Auguste Wüthrich, leader of the Metaphysics Research Department of University of Bern. “The soul lacks heat because that is not it’s responsibility. This burden is left for the body. Once the heart has stopped working the body ceases to produce energy, which in turn stops any production of heat. This is the key to our research.”

             A research which has kept the Swiss Doctor occupied for the past twelve years. The same research which was at the center of great debate when it was first introduced to the University. Protesters argued that funding by the University should go to other departments which seemed more deserving of the money. However, after twelve long years Dr Wüthrich’s efforts are finally starting to justify the means.

            Even his fellow colleagues were skeptical of the doctors undertakings. “None of us were sure of what to expect. You can say we were skeptical, and rightfully so’” said Professor Franz Euler, head of the Mathematics department of the University of Bern.Euler eventually joined the research team and has since been overwhelmed with the progress. He is convinced that in recent years the number of souls going to heaven is at a significant decline. “We have reviewed the data numerous times, and we can say, with 95 percent confidence, that half of the current population has souls that will eventually not make it to heaven,” says Euler. 

             According to Wüthrich, this decrease in “Heavenly-souls,” for lack of a better term, is the cause of the decrease in temperature. “It’s really as simple as the process of diffusion. The more souls that go to Hell, the more surface area available to displace the heat, and the faster the temperature will decrease,” says Wüthrich. 

             And the faster the heat displaces, the quicker the old idiom becomes a reality. “When Hell freezes over.” And that is exactly what the working title of their next book is. Wüthrich and Euler have announced that they are co-authoring a book detailing research. “The When-Hell-Freezes-Over Project,” should be hitting the bookshelves sometime in 2011. 

             In fact their latest discovery will surely go down in the history books. The researchers are claiming that they have discovered an algorithm which allows them to test the temperature of Hell. If their claims are true, then this will be the greatest leap in science since Thomas Jefferson’s kite. * 

Sunday, December 19, 2010

My Flies

[This is some poetry or maybe lyrics that i wrote a while ago…. “what does it mean?” you asked…. “well, i guess its up to your interpretation,” answered I…. not sure if it’s especially great, but i hope you enjoy]
my flies
circlin in a frenzy round my head
I never mind those sorry things I’ve said
and I don’t miss the days they weren’t there
cause I can make ‘em all just disappear
or trap ‘em in these jars that fill with cries
that come from out these things, I call them flies
my flies
the longer I don’t mind them
they’ll just overwhelm and blind me
and I’ll finally see clearly
That I’ve worn this blindfold dearly
So its time to start unmasking
for some clarity, I’m asking
And I’ll be in a state of daze
Flying with my flies for days
For a moment ill just lose all ties
From the outside world and fly beside flies
my flies
just out of seeing distance
people see me for an instance
the onlookers see me swinging 
for these flies that only I see
they’ll assume my moment’s madness
But “non compos mentis,” and this
would be no exception to some rule
There’s not much that I’d care to do to fool
all of those who watch, with some disguise
Cuz its not worth losing focus off the flies
my flies make circles round my head
Yet, Ex nihilo nihil fit
they’re not the type that fly around
and pester on with buzzing sounds
But what’s the use of telling you?
You’ll only be that more confused
[photo by: Rona Gelman]